About two years into the pandemic, I attended a meeting with senior leaders in a health care organization to launch a peer support program. We discussed the daily experience of team members who pass colleagues in the hall; everyone generally keeps walking, looking at their phones, or nodding and quickly and saying, “How are you?” Even when they ask that question, they don’t wait for an answer; the expected answer is, “Fine” or “Good, and you?” And then they continue walking.
At that meeting, I detailed the importance of asking, “How are you, really?” We talked about the power of genuinely checking in with each other—of truly caring about the other person and waiting for the real answer. During the conversation, a member of the group burst into tears and shared that she had worked tirelessly for the past two years and that no one had ever asked her that genuine question. In fact, her leaders, colleagues, and direct reports expected that they would all simply continue to work at warp speed and forgo breaks or time off given the needs of the organization.
Let’s digest that for a moment.
In two intense, challenging years, no one asked, “How are you, really?”
No one said, “Thank you for your tireless work. Please take a few days to rest and recharge.”
No one said, “I recognize that you have been helping our organization and our people get the assistance they need. How can I support you?”
Even now, I work with team members in a variety of institutions who share similar experiences. While some organizations have built well-being programs, or introduced wellness apps, we forget to pause with each other, to authentically check in, and to listen with care to the response.
We need to do better.
We are all human. We all need breaks. We all need to be heard. We all need support and care.
Even if someone looks “fine”, even if they always wear a smile, even if they don’t ask for help, we need to ask them, “How are you, really?”