Last week, I was scheduled on a flight into Newark, NJ. Yes, the airport with several communication outages and a recent FAA walkout. A week prior to my travel, I received a text from the airline warning that my flight might be cancelled or significantly delayed. They offered a free flight change (or a credit). The problem? I needed to be in NYC before 5 p.m. that day, the airline didn’t have any reasonable alternatives, and I likely wouldn’t use a credit for that airline. I wanted a refund.
My friends and family claimed that I would never convince the airline to reimburse me. If I contacted the airline, I would waste additional time and only increase my frustration. But that outcome didn’t feel fair or right.
So, I called the airline. After a long hold time, the service representative quoted the policy. I had two options: change my flight or accept a credit.
I faced another choice. I could express my frustration, perhaps raise my voice, and share my very real and negative thoughts about their policy and their company. Or, I could focus on my goal (to secure a refund) and figure out how to increase my chances of reaching that goal.
I chose the latter.
I shared my story with the rep. I was travelling for my daughter’s PhD graduation, and I didn’t want to risk a possible flight cancellation or a long delay and thus miss this momentous occasion.
I clarified my goal. I planned to book with another airline, and I preferred not to maintain a credit that I likely wouldn’t use in their allowed time frame.
I named the rep’s challenging position. I recognized that the issue wasn’t her fault and noted that she had probably received countless calls from frustrated travelers.
I asked for her help in pursuing options. I listened to what was possible within the policy—and we explored together what leeway they might have.
We became a team with a unified objective.
Ultimately, while she didn’t/couldn’t directly give me a refund, she put detailed notes in the system and guided me through the escalation pathway. Within 24 hours of filing my request, I received an email saying that I would receive the full refund.
That wasn’t the first time I ignored advice to drop a seemingly intractable situation and instead reached out to someone for help. And it certainly wasn’t the first time I secured a reasonable and fair resolution through a thoughtful, respectful conversation.
In my work (and my life!), I notice that many people focus on their own feelings and frustrations and then become more forceful when their requests aren’t fulfilled.
However, we are less likely to reach resolution through intense assertiveness. Instead, the most effective path to beneficial results is through connection, clarity, curiosity, and kindness.