In a recent Tough Conversations workshop, a participant asked, “Is it ok to speak on behalf of others if they aren’t comfortable addressing an issue directly?”
At the time, I suggested that they might consider their ultimate goal, their role on the team, whether they had permission, and whether the situation involved harm (and thus warranted upstanding). Since then, I’ve thought more deeply about the question—and about why I often witness team members sharing their own concerns followed by, “And I’m not the only one who feels this way,” or “A lot of people agree with me.”
Sometimes, we invoke others to signal that the feedback is not just a personal perspective, making it seem more compelling. Other times, we may want to avoid holding full responsibility for the viewpoint, as that conversation may feel uncomfortable. Or, we may seek to help colleagues who shy away from direct conversations.
Regardless of the intention, invoking “other people” can lead to unintended consequences, such as:
Misinformation and Inaccuracy. When sharing others’ perspectives, we often produce vague and confusing details from unnamed team members who aren’t present to clarify points, provide examples, or answer questions.
Presumption and harm. Speaking for others, especially without their explicit consent, can muddy the waters and introduce assumptions, generalizations, and stories that aren’t ours to tell.
Disempowerment. When we serve as an intermediary, we may bolster our own role as a messenger instead of helping team members build their own skills and relationships directly.
Creating sides and triangulation. Pointing to “others” can triangulate relationships, foster gossip, and imply shared discontent, which can drive team members further apart.
Avoiding responsibility. When invoking “others,” the information source evades accountability for their own perspective, including the onus to share relevant information.
Ultimately, even if the motivation feels virtuous, relying on “other colleagues feel this way, too” language can undermine clarity, trust, autonomy, and psychological safety.
You don’t need a crowd behind you to validate your voice for a simple, clear conversation. And while speaking for yourself can feel vulnerable, it creates space to develop relationships, build trust, model courage, and promote open discussions. Ultimately, it’s a fundamental component of effective communication and successful teams.