I’ll never forget that summer afternoon.
My mom and I were at her 30th high school reunion when we suddenly heard a commotion near the pool. A man had collapsed. Within seconds, a crowd formed. A physician rushed in to help. Someone called 911.
Then I heard a scream. I looked over and saw his wife, who I had just met that afternoon.
She stood apart from the crowd, eyes wide, hands on her cheeks. I wasn’t sure what to do, but she seemed so alone and terrified. So, I walked over and let her know that help was on the way. I asked if she’d like to sit somewhere out of the heat, and I offered her some water.
I don’t remember the details of our conversation. I just remember sitting with her, listening as she talked, and staying fully present in the moment.
I think about that afternoon often, not because of what I did, but because of what it taught me: In the face of distressing events outside our control, sometimes what’s needed most isn’t a grand gesture, but steady, genuine presence.
That lesson has stayed with me, including in my professional life. I’m often called, both formally and informally, after teams experience something upsetting or disruptive:
A well-loved team member is laid off and escorted out unexpectedly.
A leader lashes out publicly at a colleague.
A major reorganization leaves people uncertain and afraid.
A team member’s behavior shifts in ways that cause concern.
In moments like these, we may feel a drive to fix, explain, or otherwise jump into the middle of the action. But often, the most meaningful response looks quite different. We can:
- Focus on those affected and on what they need most in the moment.
- Pause to consider whether we’re the right person to help, or whether we should make connections to other resources.
- Listen more than we speak, and reflect what we hear.
- Stay steady and calm, even when emotions run high.
- Avoid offering clichés or assumptions about how someone “should” feel (for example, “It’ll be fine”).
- Communicate updates clearly, honestly, and transparently.
True support isn’t about finding the perfect words, resolving every problem on the spot, or taking charge. Instead, both in life and in leadership, it’s about showing up with genuine presence, centering those who are closely impacted, and creating space for connection and understanding.