I’m not very good at asking for or accepting help. This past week, I didn’t really have a choice.
My mother-in-law passed away after a long illness. In the midst of the emotional processing, the logistics alone felt overwhelming. We and our kids were traveling from four separate places at different times, and we needed to coordinate airport transportation and lodging. Mozzie, our dog, was just out of surgery and needed care while we were away. And we had to settle several work and life details before we left.
With our capacity already stretched thin, I found myself both accepting unsolicited help and directly requesting it. And I was genuinely overwhelmed by the generosity that followed.
As we travelled, I explained our needs more than once, and people I had just met stepped in to assist, accommodate, and support us. Hotel guest service agents kindly updated room details multiple times as our needs changed. Without hesitation, the manager of a co-working space jumped in to resolve some technical issues. On the plane, a woman gave up her window seat for a middle seat so my spouse and I could sit together.
At home, our community showed up, both when we asked and when we didn’t. Local friends cared for Mozzie in their home. A neighbor collected our packages. A friend brought us dinner the day we returned. Throughout the week, community members checked in and offered meals, company, and support. Many are bringing dinner this week.
This experience made me question why I generally hesitate to ask for help.
From an early age, helping others and being self-sufficient have been core to my identity. I much prefer providing to receiving.
I find that I’m not alone, especially in work settings. So many clients and colleagues—clinicians, leaders, social workers, HR professionals, and faculty—hesitate to seek support.
Some, like me, view themselves primarily as helpers. Others have internalized the belief that leaders should be decisive and have everything handled. In those cases, requesting help can feel like a weakness or a threat to credibility and authority. And in some workplaces, team members don’t feel safe asking for help. They’ve witnessed colleagues being punished or held back for showing vulnerability or seeking support.
Regardless of one’s reason, here’s what this week reinforced for me: asking for and receiving help is a vital part of being human.
All of us need assistance at different moments in our lives. And most people genuinely want to provide it. Research even shows that helping others improves well-being.
Accepting support doesn’t make us less capable or competent. It reminds us that we aren’t meant to do everything on our own. It deepens our connections, strengthens our relationships, and infuses more care into the world. It also gives others the opportunity to show up in meaningful ways, to contribute, and to be part of something larger than themselves.
When we returned home on Sunday night, and our home filled with community members who came simply to be present with us, it was a powerful reminder of that truth: we don’t have to carry everything alone.
That’s something we should all remember and practice—both at home and at work.