The conversation ended before it even began.
I’d shared an idea with a colleague, who responded by immediately dismissing it—without asking a single clarifying question, without curiosity, and without acknowledging the thought and effort that went into the idea.
My colleague wasn’t the first person to respond to a new idea that way.
If we’re being honest, we’ve all hastily responded to a text, an email, or a comment in a meeting without considering the impact of our words or our tone. And we’ve all been on the receiving end, feeling the sting of a reply that landed much harder than the person likely intended.
I don’t think most people try to cause harm.
Yet their intent and impact don’t always match.
So what does a more productive response look like, especially when our gut reaction is “No!”?
Pause. Before reacting, take a moment to consider what you might not yet know.
Ask questions. Be curious about what drove the idea. What problem are they trying to solve? What is their reasoning? What’s behind their proposed solution?
Look for what’s useful. Even if the solution doesn’t solve the whole problem, some part of it might move the team closer to the right answer. Start there.
Consider impact. Think through how your response might land, both in words and in tone. While you may not intend to shut someone down, a rushed response can end a valuable conversation before it even begins.
Let go. You don’t need to be the one who’s “right” or the source of the best idea. Often the strongest ideas are those built through collaboration that begins with someone else’s first draft.
And if your response lands harder than you intended, name it, and offer repair. Acknowledging impact shows that you care about the other person and their input.
So the next time someone brings you a suggestion and your instinct is to explain why it won’t work, pause first.
Remember what it feels like when your idea is dismissed before it’s understood and considered.
And give the other person the type of response you’d want to receive.