In my consulting work with teams, I often hear, “She’s on their side,” or “They are against me.” That feeling is natural; when we disagree or collide with our colleagues, we may sense a divide and eventually develop a feeling of “sides.” Those sides can quickly result in digging in our heels, escalations over resources or behavior, and ultimately increased conflict across the entire group. While I spend much of my time helping teams navigate such conflicts, teams tend to be more effective if they avoid creating those divisions in the first place!
One straightforward way to potentially avoid an escalation is to reframe challenging moments by eliminating the construct of “sides.” Instead of focusing on the discord and your positions on a particular issue, agree on a shared goal and then work together to achieve that outcome. Depending on your work, you might focus on improving patient safety, gathering accurate data for a research project, compiling a report or grant application, or creating a new program.
So how do you then work towards and ultimately achieve your shared goal? Agree to work as a team—without “sides.” Talk through specifically what each team member needs from each other to work together productively, and make a commitment to uphold those needs. When disagreements arise, remind each other of your shared focus—and your responsibility to each other in how you work together effectively. And then you can focus on that ultimate goal, which serves both you and the larger team.