“He’s a jerk.” “She’s a bully.” I too often hear these descriptions of co-workers in the workplace.
While labelling others may seem to help us make sense of the world—and of other humans—those labels ultimately don’t serve us well and can result in more harm. Here’s why: when we label someone, we are suggesting that their behavior is both innate and fully defining—which leads to a lack of personal accountability and also true understanding.
First, labelling a person as a “bully” or a “jerk” suggests that those traits are inherently part of the person, not behaviors of choice, thus allowing someone to avoid taking responsibility for their behavior. If Sandy is intrinsically a jerk, Sandy isn’t necessarily accountable for their behavior nor the negative impact of that behavior on others. We can’t expect someone to change their core.
Second, humans contain many layers and motivations, and they act based on a variety of factors. Perhaps Sandy was trained to exhibit particular behaviors to survive or thrive—in or out of the workplace. Perhaps Sandy is mirroring their own experiences and understanding of work culture. Perhaps Sandy is struggling with a challenging personal situation. Or perhaps Sandy’s behaviors are masking something else, such as feeling inadequate or fearing deep connection with others. If we assign a one-dimensional label and move on, we won’t ever understand the many layers.
So how do we pursue both accountability and true understanding? Instead of labelling people, let’s label behavior. Let’s be clear about which behaviors are constructive and which are problematic. When someone exhibits problematic behavior, let’s encourage and expect accountability for the harmful actions and the impact of those actions—without maligning the person. And, when we recognize that each person is more complex than a simple label, we can approach them with openness, curiosity, and compassion—and get to know those layers and nuances. With that approach, we will likely connect with other humans in a much more meaningful way.