Last week, I facilitated a workshop for emerging leaders. A key theme we explored was the role of leaders in being models.
While “being a model” sounds simple, it’s not always easy. It means recognizing that everything we say and do sends a message, even when we don’t realize it. If we respond with defensiveness when challenged, make a joke at someone’s expense, or dominate every discussion, we’re signaling to the team that those behaviors are acceptable. Our actions set the tone and shape culture.
I’ve worked with many teams where the stated values sound great (and are often posted on the wall):
- “We value open and transparent communication.”
- “We welcome feedback.”
- “We are committed to inclusion and belonging.”
But what happens in practice? Many teams report that their leaders and peers aren’t living these values. During a recent culture change project, a participant asked me, “Are my leaders also expected to exhibit these new behaviors?” He explained that he didn’t trust that his leaders would hold themselves to the same standards they expected from their team members.
That question has stayed with me. He was naming a dynamic many of us have experienced: a gap between what’s written on the wall and what actually happens in meetings, discussions, emails, and decisions.
- Leaders make decisions without sharing the “why.”
- Team members speak up and get shut down.
- Colleagues offer constructive feedback and are met with defensiveness.
- Ideas are ignored until they are repeated by people with more power.
That gap between what we say we value and how we act erodes trust, creates disengagement, and increases resentment. And the reverse is also true. People notice when leaders pause to listen, when they admit mistakes, when they stay curious in tough moments, and when they model the same respect, humility, and accountability they ask of others.
If we want our teams to thrive, we need to show (not just say) what we expect. Ultimately, culture isn’t shaped what’s printed on the wall. It’s shaped by what people experience and witness every day.