How often do you leave a meeting and talk with a colleague about what wasn’t said in the room? Or feel frustrated that participants didn’t share what they said they would share? Or realize that the group didn’t address the important core issues?
You are not alone. Many of us shy away from addressing challenging topics (aka, the elephant) in the room. Why? The elephant may seem large, overwhelming, and possibly insurmountable. Or you may be concerned about personal risk or consequences: How will others react? Will I be judged or criticized? Will I be viewed as a trouble-maker?
Here’s the rub: when we don’t address the elephant, we don’t solve the real issues. And often, those issues grow, as do negative feelings about the team or specific group members, and we begin to make assumptions about others’ motivations, goals, and opinions. I am often called into situations that have been stewing for months (or even years!)—and have resulted in lower productivity, decreased retention, and higher burnout for that whole time period. And not infrequently, the original issue could have been resolved much more quickly if the team had committed to engaging in those initial honest, transparent conversations (with or without outside help).
So when we sense an elephant, while it’s important to consider the risks of naming it, we should also consider the risks of ignoring it and allowing it to fill the room. And managers, let’s create space for and encourage our team members to identify those elephants so that we can work together to address our impediments and truly move forward.