This past weekend, I was doing some filing (a task long-overdue that only happens when the pile overflows). As I sorted through papers, I came across a handful of thank-you notes from past clients and colleagues.
Each one stopped me in my tracks.
They weren’t just “thanks for your help” notes. They were specific and meaningful:
- “Thanks so much for leading the restorative circle. I felt so cared about, cared for, and I belonged. Thank you for your grace, role modeling, and leading.”
- “I had an unexpected and challenging communication with a patient immediately after the training. This training helped me center and listen and focus on understanding and validating. Thank you.”
- “Our coaching conversations consistently leave me feeling more confident and much better equipped to navigate challenging situations.”
Reading these notes reminded me of a concept I often teach about gratitude: gratitude is most meaningful when it’s specific and includes the impact. While expressing gratitude has been shown to improve well-being, and receiving gratitude activates positive emotions and fosters connections, including the “why” is a vital component.
Generic appreciation like, “I appreciate you,” or “Thanks for all you do” can be nice. But the vagueness may lead the recipient to wonder, “What did I really do that mattered to them?” or “Do they actually value me?”
In contrast, when we intentionally take time to notice and share something specific, we offer something powerful: evidence of the person’s contribution and the difference it made. For example, “I appreciate the way you slowed down in that meeting and made space for all voices. That created a shift in the conversation and helped me feel comfortable enough to speak up.”
This kind of gratitude can engender positive feelings both in the moment and well beyond. Genuine appreciative statements say, “I notice your contributions and your positive impact on the team,” and “I recognize your efforts; they, and you, really matter.” When you consistently offer specific, positive feedback, you are building relationships and trust. You are reinforcing what’s working. And you are encouraging more of the behaviors that make team members and teams effective.
So each day, let’s thank someone for something specific they did, and tell them how it helped us or the team. While these moments of recognition may be brief, their impact is long-lasting.