It was one of those record scratch moments.
I was in the middle of a dental cleaning when the hygienist asked if I’d watched the Super Bowl half-time show. And as she described the performance, I suddenly realized we hadn’t watched the same show.
Thus the record scratch, followed by an immediate inclination to craft a narrative about what her choice meant.
In that moment, I considered my response options. I could assert my position and potentially spark conflict. I could quickly change the subject and miss an opportunity for connection and growth. Or, I could retreat entirely and even terminate the relationship.
This scenario happens at work all the time. We notice a single choice, a comment, or a reaction, and we quickly attach meaning, intent, and often labels. From there, we build stories about the other person, decline to seek understanding, and retreat to our separate corners.
I didn’t want any of those outcomes. So, I engaged with genuine interest. I asked about her choice, what drew her to watch the half-time show, and what she thought about it. I stayed curious. And I sought to truly understand.
While we didn’t ultimately agree on which performance was better or “right,” I deemed the conversation a win. We shared our perspectives, listened without debating, and left the door open for further dialogue.
Since then, I’ve thought about how seemingly-benign conversations at work often include moments that inadvertently deepen division. And yet, if we shift how we respond when we hear that needle scratch, we can create very different outcomes. When we remain genuinely curious, we often develop greater understanding, discover how to navigate our differences, and ultimately create a path to work more effectively together.