Was that a genuine question or a challenge?
That’s what I asked myself more than once during a recent training I facilitated.
One participant asked a lengthy and layered question about whether the material would apply to anyone in her situation. Another person didn’t pose a question and instead voiced deep concern about the validity of the methodology. In each moment, I paused and wondered: Were they looking for answers? Were they casting blame or criticism? Did they have ulterior motives? Were they being curious, honest, and brave?
I’ll admit; I considered a few response options.
I could defend the material by citing the research.
I could stand firmly behind the rubric and my professional experience.
I could avoid answering and simply move on.
Yet I didn’t want to default to fight or flight. And, I didn’t want to assume negative intent.
So, I chose to treat both contributions as invitations. I thanked each person for their honesty. I acknowledged the complexity they surfaced. I offered my initial thoughts on how their perspectives might interact with the model we were exploring. And I invited further conversation after the workshop.
Since that session, I’ve thought a lot about those two moments. They highlighted how easy it is to assume intent—and then to act based on those assumptions. They also reminded me that each interaction is a chance to be curious, to invite conversation, and to stretch ourselves.
I’ve also more deeply considered the participants’ specific perspectives and have incorporated elements of their questions into the workshop. The process reinforced for me that every voice adds value and that each challenge can be a gift to make our work stronger.
Questions we receive may not feel comfortable. They may not be easy to answer. And they may initially trigger heightened emotions. And yet, when we meet questions with curiosity and openness, we create space for deeper understanding, stronger relationships, and better outcomes—for ourselves, our teams, and our organizations.