Ever notice how quickly the phrase, “Yes, but…” can shut down a conversation?
You say, “I think that…” or “I’d like us to…”
Without a pause, the other person interjects, “Yes, but…,” followed by why your solution won’t work or why theirs is better.
The effect? We may assume that the person isn’t interested in our thoughts. We may feel dismissed or undervalued. We may end the conversation quickly to avoid further escalation. Or we may choose to repeat our point(s) more assertively in hopes of being understood. Often, over time, we stop engaging in the relationship or the collaboration.
How can we avoid that outcome? When someone shares their perspective, even if you think you might disagree, try to fully understand their viewpoint. Be curious, and ask open-ended questions: “Tell me more about your thoughts on that.” “What led you to that conclusion?” “What is most important to you about that issue?”
As they respond to each question, listen. Reflect what they shared. Check with them to ensure that you understood: “Did I get that right?” “What did I miss?”
And when you want to share your thoughts, say, “Yes, and…” That simple word shift invites curiosity, collaboration, and creativity. It makes space for both perspectives to exist. And in effective teams and relationships, that space is vital.
So, the next time you feel a “Yes, but” coming on, try rephrasing. You might be surprised by how much more open and productive the conversation becomes.